5dpo
My first major crying incident for this cycle happened yesterday. Partly because I start to become more sensitive and emotional around this time. It's the stress of the 2WW and fearing the BFN. But also because I had several pregnancy issues pop up in a matter of hours. First of all, I took my dog Harley to the vet for her annual shots and ended up having a vet that was almost 9 months pregnant treat her. The vet walked in and then proceeded to call in a tech b/c she said she's due any day and shouldn't be picking up the animals. What? Are you kidding me? Maybe you should already be on leave.... It would be just my luck to have her water break right there in front of me. And of course I had a billing problem on the way out and wanted to strangle the clerk b/c how hard can it be to create a bill or to fix one that's incorrect. It shouldn't be the 20 extra minutes I had to stand there.
So then after I got home I saw my very pregnant neighbor outside. I call her smoker chick b/c I never see her w/out a cigarette in her mouth. This will be her 3rd baby in 4 years and they are disappointed b/c they are all girls. And she of course wants to know if we are trying b/c it's our turn.
A few hours later J gets home from work. He runs into our other neighbor that just had her baby 3 months ago. She also asks if we are trying and proceeds to tell J that it took them only 2 months and they weren't even really trying. I think J saw the look on my face at his point so he tells me that she might have just said it took two months when it might have actually taken a long time. I think he's just trying to make me feel better but it soooo wasn't working. J then says I might even say the same thing b/c I won't want to talk about all that we've been through. I snapped and said I'd NEVER say that to anyone b/c they could be in our exact situation and why would I say that. At this point I'm completely bewildered and on the verge of tears. I hold out 10 mins and the tears start to flow.
I'm so scared this cycle won't work. I want someone to hold my hand and make it all better.
posted by Keeping The Faith @ 8:24 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
it's one of the unwritten laws of nature that as soon as you hit your 2ww you will become surrounded by pg women toddlers and or babies. Even your normal TV viewing will be spoilt by "infertility" issue episodes. When will they learn to put us in a coma for those 2 weeks?
I'm with you 100% on the not saying I've only been trying for 2 months thing (if this ever works)go the honesty!
wishing you an easy tomorrow and of course double lines come testing time.
I'm thinking about you. I know the 2ww is the worst time.
I think it's just awful of people to share any information about how they conceived, or to ask questions of others about it. Why do people think that the family planning of others is their business? Especially asking if you are trying. So rude! I actually did one time start to cry when an old friend (whom I hadn't seen in a couple years) asked me when we were going to have a baby. I started to cry and said we were having infertility issues and he turned bright red and stammered an apology and ran away. I felt guilty that I did that on purpose, but I bet he never asks that question of anyone again!
Hang in! Pamper yourself during this time. Maybe it'll take your mind off it a little bit (I know that's not likely, but it's worth a try!)
So many people have no idea what this experience is like - if they did, they wouldn't spout off about it only taking x number of times and "not really trying."
I'm thinking of you. *hugs*
Thanks for stopping by over at my place and leaving a comment.
I just read your previous posts. I'm astonished your doctor went ahead with the IUI when you had 5 follicles. My doctor would have cancelled or punctured some. Were some of them still immature?
Good luck!
Here is my hand to hold. I wish you all the best and hope you have no more run-ins with the fertile folks.
Take care and all the best and wishing you luck!
I wish I could hold your hand and more than anything, I wish I had the power to make it all better.
I think seeing pg women is like love songs when are alone - it's all you can hear/see.
One bit of assvice - stay away from home depot. Nothing but pg ladies redecorating there babies rooms for the 10th time.
Oh! Ouch! What a totally rough day you had! And you didn't cry til that evening? You are a better woman than I am- I'd have lost it at the billing problem. Doesn't take much these days for me. Nice that J is so supportive of you.
I have a candle lit for you on the "mantle of flames" as it is now been dubbed. Take some down time today and pick one little thing to do for you- then go and do it.
I know that when I use to have breakups from relationships and then I'd hear love songs on the radio that it was all I could do to not throw the radio out the window. Then a friend of mine suggested that I pretend the songs were from family, and friends and that I should listen to the songs from that perspective. Way more bearable and an interesting concept. I wonder if we viewed all the pregnant women we see as an affirmation of where we will be- if that would work? A positive affirmation kind of thing but in a visual sort of way? Am I crazy? This may be the strangest idea I have had to date. I think I will give it a try when I am next descended upon by a mass of pregnant women. They seem to travel in packs when I am taking hormones.
hugs,
ellie
I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. The end of the first week of the 2ww is the worst, right? It seems like it's already been so long, and yet there is still so much left....sucks sucks sucks.
And when will the people around us just learn to NOT be pregnant? It would make the whole ordeal so much easier.
Sorry you had a lousy day.
I hate the 2ww! Hang in there. Sending hugs your way.
I almost laughed - those things had to happen during your 2 WW wait didn't they? A good cry to relieve your feelings is probably a good thing...I know it works for me.
Can I hold your hand virtually? I'd like to - will keep checking back to see how you are doing.
Hugs
Paula
I totally understand about seeing the pregnant belly all around you. It sucks. The part about your neighbor smoking just KILLS me. How totally unjust. I am totally hoping that you get to have a pregnant belly of your own.
oh i wish i could hold your hand and make it better.... the 2ww is just the worst kind of torture for any woman, but i fashioned my own motto after the first few bfn's:
'Expect the worst, hope for the best.'
I suppose it was my way of insulating myself against the probability of it not working, not that I felt any better after each neg.
Thanks so much for visiting my blog, I feel like I have a new friend to check on now! :D
Take care of you....
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