Nonchalant for how long?

Had my 2nd u/s yesterday to see how the follies are developing. I ended up having 4 that will be most likely be mature enough on trigger day. 3 of them were size 13mm and one was 14mm. I had a few others not worth mentioning b/c they won't have enough time to grow. My lining was at an 8 and my estradiol was 550. I should be happy with 4 follies but part of me was disappointed since I had 7 mature follies last time we cycled and that didn't work so 4 seems paltry in comparison. The nurse was happy. She said I stimmed too much last time and the risks are too great. She said four is the ideal number in their clinic for IUI's.

I will be on 150iu of gonal-f through Friday. Take my trigger (Ovidrel) shot on Saturday night at 9:30pm and the IUI is scheduled for 10am on Monday.

I had my 4th acupuncture appt after my u/s yesterday. I have another appt for right before my IUI on Monday. I actually have coverage for 20 sessions a year. (How does it happen that I have full acupuncture benefits but crappy Infertility coverage...does that make sense?) I figured this will give me a chance to try acupuncture out and maybe get my "Qi" in balance before IVF. We won't be starting our 1st IVF until January so I might as well use my acupuncture sessions for this calendar year.



My nonchalant day yesterday:

4am-wake up (we are early risers)

5am- went into work (this is my part time... 10 hours a week job...)

7:30am- left work (home town) for 1 hour drive to location of RE and blood lab. Feeling calm unlike the usual racing heart beat, slightly anxious, thinking doomsday thoughts person that I normally am on u/s days. I try to control the uncontrollable...

8:30am- arrived at blood lab.... waited almost an hour to have blood taken...still in the calm zone.

9:30am- wasted time until u/s... RE required blood work to be done several hours before appt so they have the estradiol results when you get there.

11:00am- ultrasound.... they actually got me right in! That was nice. I just went through the procedure and listened. No questions asked. How can that be? Where was my list of 20 "what ifs" or "explain this"?

12:00pm- acupuncture appt... it was actually scheduled for 12:30 but he was able to get me in early so I didn't have to waste any more time window shopping and wishing I had money to buy things we can't afford. Wow things are falling into a nice timely schedule today.

1:30pm- Leave acupuncturist and drive 1 hour back to home. Listened to Andre Bocelli and continued to feel relaxed.

2:30pm- arrive home to find both of my dogs covered in mud... these are primarily inside dogs but I have to leave them outside if I'm gone longer than 5 hours. On further inspection I see that they have dug up two of my precious plants in the back yard. I take one dog at a time and wash them in the bathtub. After both dogs are washed I try to salvage the plants. Slightly irritated w/ these furry children of mine but not overly concerned w/ the damage. I love my dogs and am thankful to have them. J would have killed them so it's a good thing I got home first.

4:30pm- I make dinner...la-di-da-di-da

5:45pm- J is home from work... We eat... (I love this man)

6:00pm- Moment of Clarity!!!! OH SHIT- I forgot my shot again!!! See last post for previous forgetfulness. I had been instructed to take three more days of injections. I should have taken my shot right when I got home but I was distracted b/c of the dogs and their doggy misadventures. After initial 10 second panic logic sets in and I realize I'm only a few hours late since I didn't get home to take it until after 2:30pm. I reassure myself that 3 and half hours late on my injection won't make my follies shrink or disappear. Really, what if I had my u/s appt at 4:00 and hadn't gotten home until 5pm. It would have been close to the same time. Silly me. :-)

***so what is the story? Is this a freak occurrence or has my IF personality changed. Where is the neurotic, tightly coiled, mind racing, nervous nail biting, teary eyed, asking a zillion and one questions Girl that I normally am? Have I hit another Infertility stage? Are there stages such as Denial, Panic, Depression and then Blasé or do they rotate to keep things interesting? Now let me make it clear that feeling nonchalant does not mean that there is any hope knocking on my door. In fact all of my doors have dead bolts and are electronically wired. Doesn't mean the bitch "Hope" won't sneak in somehow. Who knows? But- I don't particularly want her company. Hope sets me up to fall on my ass. I'm in the white zone.... my open mindless space where there's not a whole lot of thought going on IF wise. Now if I could just remember to take my shots.