Regrouping...

I'm here. I've been reading all of your blogs but haven't been able to gather my thoughts and post on my own. So much has been floating around in my head. It started as a full blown tornado that caused me constant panic and frustration. Now I'm slowly picking up the pieces and trying to make a plan. J has seriously been my glue. He scrapped me off of the floor after this past BFN and is still holding me together. One minute I feel fine and the next I'm a crumbling mass of tears & hysteria. Infertility isn't all that is on my mind. I wish it were. J and I have so much going on at once. Nothing has fallen into place yet so we are trying to juggle many issues at once. J's company will most likely transfer him in September. We are 90% sure of the location (about an hour away)... but that leftover questionable 10% makes us nervous. We are thinking about moving and also about just commuting. He already commutes so we might just continue to do that for various reasons (financial mostly).

J and I have spent a lot of time researching Infertility clinics, success rates (how much stock do you put into those?), prices, etc. We have also spent a lot of time looking into how we will fund out IVF cycle(s). So much to figure out! I've put more of the Infertility planning on J's shoulders b/c I really felt like I couldn't handle doing all of it anymore. So he called my current RE (Dr. S) and asked him about our current treatment. I've done 4 IUI's w/ injectibles. Dr. S said that he still feels we have excellent odds at conceiving through IUI and injectibles. He thinks I respond really well, etc...etc... (I can't help thinking that if I respond well and the numbers are good then why hasn't it worked) He even gave an example of a women that got pregnant after her 13th IUI . Can you imagine doing 13 IUI's on injectibles? I'd be locked away in a loony bin for sure. After J talked to Dr. S and reported what he said back to me, I felt confused and weary. I've corresponded w/ several clinics that all said they recommend 4 IUI's on injectibles. They said after four you should move on to IVF. These are reputable clinics so I'm left feeling questionable about my own treatment plan.

Basically after many late night talks and endless conversations J and I are going to do 1 or 2 more IUI's w/ Injectibles. After that we are moving on to IVF. We have tentative plans to start our first IVF in September. I guess most clinics don't do IVF during the holiday’s b/c your odds of success go down due to the stress of the holiday season. So we'll either do our first IVF in September/October or if that doesn't work out then we'll start in January/February. At this time I have my protocol appt booked for late August so we have the green light and plan at this time to take the plunge then. *gulp*

I feel a little better now that we have a plan laid out as far as our infertility treatment goes. My current status is that I'm on bcp's b/c I have 4 (yes- 4!) cysts from this past cycle. I go back for an u/s next Thursday and if they are gone I'll start right back on the gonal-f injections after AF arrives. I wasn't sure if I was going to add this question but I decided I will since I'm desperate and then I'm going to delete it in a few days. I have 4 extra unopened boxes of gonal-f (900iu pens) that have been properly stored in the refridgerator. The only infertility coverage we have is prescription (full coverage) so we would really like to sell my extra medication so that the money can help fund our IVF cycle. We ended up ordering way too much these last two cycles. Does anyone have an idea of how I can do this or know of anyone that would like to buy them? I'd be willing to sell them for $300 each or $1000 for all 4. None of them expire until 10/07 or later. Shipping will be paid by the buyer. Let me know b/c this could really help me out and maybe it could help someone else out that doesn't have prescription coverage. E-mail me at kacastello@gmail.com if you are interested.

Otherwise... thanks for the support and the understanding. This has been the hardest journey I've ever gone through. I just have to focus on the fact that one of these times it will work and J and I will be parents.