Positive's and Negative's

Positive- I had my 1^st acupuncture appointment yesterday. I made my appt in the morning before my appt at my RE’s. I wasn’t sure what to expect but ended up enjoying the experience. I had meant to start these acupuncture session’s months ago but for whatever reason kept putting it off. It was a little weird to see all of these needles sticking out of my body but I have to admit that I felt more relaxed than I had in some time. I figure it can’t hurt so anything I take from going can only be a benefit. I plan to go each time I have an appt w/ my RE since both the acupuncturist and my RE are out of town. I ended up getting a silver dollar size bruise and a bump on my stomach where one of the needles was. Is that normal? Has that happened to any of you? Bruises after acupuncture?

Negative- The relaxed state I was in was short lived. After my acupuncture appt I had an u/s at my RE’s to see if my 4 cysts from last cycle were gone. I have been on bcp’s for about 2 weeks to help get rid of them. Jokes on me!!!! I not only still have the four cysts but I have another new one that popped up that is 40mm big. So that was a waste of $70 for my u/s to tell me that I still cannot pass go. They said less that 1% off the population will still continue to grow cysts on bcp’s. They told me to stop taking them and to come back on cycle day 3 after my period comes. Yeah for 2 periods in one month!!! They said there is a chance they will go away once my period starts which I seriously doubt. My last bcp was Weds night so I’d expect AF to arrive around Sunday. That means cycle day 3 will be around Tues. How could 5 cysts disappear in 5 or 6 days. I feel like I’ll waste another $70 to hear that they are still there and I’ll have to take a full cycle off. J wants me to still go in so that we can at least be told that they are going down in size. This just sucks.

Negative- My back- upper and lower ache like you wouldn’t believe. I’m told that it’s b/c of the many large cysts on my poor little ovaries. It’s hard for me to even be comfortable or to fall asleep b/c each muscle hurts when I move or adjust my body. I just feel like crap. I have a daily headache which progresses to a nauseating pain that blurs my vision by the time evening rolls around. I tend to have a nervous or upset stomach most of the day that doesn’t like to settle down. I’m not sure if it’s the combination of stress, the bcp’s, the cysts or what but my body feels like it’s been run over by a truck again and again.

Positive- I’m going to feel better. I don’t care what it takes. I’m hoping that I’ll feel better once the bcp’s are out of my system and the cysts start to go away. I’m hoping the acupuncture has a positive effect on my body and mind. I’m going to beg, force, and make J give me massages at night. I’m going to listen to my fertility meditation CD everyday. I’m going to take more down “me” time…by either taking a long bubble bath, giving myself a facial, reading a book, or drawing and painting. If that means that the ironing doesn’t get done or that the dishes in the sink pile up, then so be it. I’m also going to make a real attempt to eat a more balanced diet and cut out the extra sugar. I used to feel so energized and healthy. I used to be an avid runner and had to cut it back to mostly walking once I started fertility treatments. I’m so tired of everything infertility has stolen from my life. I’m taking some of it back starting today.

I just have to believe that the many aspects going on in my life will fall into place sometime (right???!!!???!)…hopefully sooner rather than later. And that will help settle my anxiety about having so many unknown and uncontrollable situations going on all at once.