Going crazy... 5DP5DT

The 2WW wait is definitely the hardest part of IVF. All I can think about is if my embryos are nestling in for 9 months. The two first days on bed rest were fine...just watched bad daytime TV and a few blockbuster movies. Once Friday came I started to worry...shouldn't I start feeling something...shouldn't my breasts be sore and nipples tender. Why don't I feel anything? Shouldn't I have some side effects from the trigger shot at least. Then my husband reminds me that I had extremely tender boobs for all 6 injectible/IUI's and the Clomid cycles and we know how those turned out. So I remind myself that very few women can actually feel implantation and fertile women that get pregnant naturally never know they're pregnant until they have a missed period. My theory is that most of us infertiles read into every symptom that is related to our individual side effect of the medications.

So the only side effects I have right now are that I'm really hot... I feel like it's 100 degrees out (hello progesterone), I crave salty foods which is unusual for me, and I can't sleep well- insomnia ... and if I focus really hard I can almost imagine a few twinges in the abdominal area.

This obsessing basically started after I got an update on Friday from Dr. Z's office about our extra embryo's. They only froze one blastocyst. I was extremely disappointed and confused since we had so many great quality embryo's growing on day 5. Besides the two grade1 blastocysts we transferred, we had 4 early blastocysts that were grade 1 and 2, a grade 1 morula and two 10 cell embryos. But Dr. Z only freezes top quality full blastocysts. (he does have a 40% success rate w/ FETS so maybe this is why) So only one of the early blasts turned into a full blast by the morning of day 6. I tried not to let it get me too down but I couldn't help but cry a few tears and the potential life that was lost with those that weren't saved.

I am happy to report that the 1 inch progesterone needles are much better. J brought up our concerns during our transfer consult w/ Dr. Z and he immediately said we could switch to one inch b/c of my size. I (knock on wood) have no bruises on my behind...none...so J must be doing something right in that department. I use the heating pad before and after and it's no longer a big deal. I thought I would avoid progesterone suppositories since I'm on PIO, but no...they have me on those too...

My stomach is dotted w/ pencil eraser size bruises from the Lovenox. I ice before those shots and don't even mind them much anymore. I find that the first two days of any shot is the worst and then they get better. It's the anticipation that is the worst part. I also think it's because the injectible medications got worse as they were added to my protocol. Lupron is the easiest, then gonal-f/repronex, trigger HCG shot, Lovenox, progesterone... so each time you add a new injection the previous one seems easy as pie.

5 days to go... My clinic makes you do two betas. One at 10DP5DT and one at 12DP5DT, even if the first one is negative. I'm grateful they fall on the long holiday weekend. J and I will either we celebrating our fortunate blessing or he'll be scooping me off the ground. The important thing is we'll be together those 3 days and I know we can get through anything that comes our way as long as we have each other.