No longer winning the battle of the 2ww

Okay- I've handled the 1st week of the 2ww pretty well. My parents can to visit for a few days and that was a nice distraction. I hardly ever see them so we caught up and went shopping, cooked up meals, talked, etc. I felt pretty crappy for a good week after the trigger shot. I always do. I get nauseous, cramping, bloating, sore stomach and ovaries, very tender boobs, headaches, exhaustion, etc... (just a few symptoms lol) and then I usually start to feel a little better. Overall I feel better but still not great. I'm exhausted. No energy at all. I'm hot- really warm all of the time and my boobs are still big....not as sore but very swollen. Now mind you- I know better than to think these are pregnancy symptoms. I'm on that lovely stuff called progesterone and that seems to cause all of these lovely side-effects.... (or...could it maybe be pregnancy symptoms?)...who knows... I will in 3 days.

For me the last week or more specifically the last 4-5 days of the 2WW are the worst. It's either worked or it hasn't and that drives me crazy. Did implantation occur? Damn it- tell me. It's never occurred before so should I even let myself think it might have? I fear that the utter let-down upon seeing the single pink line is nearing. I hope not. There are so many reasons that I pray this worked.

For one...like all of you I want a baby in my arms more than anything. For another we really can't afford to do IVF and we are running out of options. You can only do so many IUI's before you should accept that it's not going to work. We will still do a few more but I know if this month doesn't work we'll have to wrap our minds around the fact that we will most likely have to do IVF in order to have a baby. Another issue is the fact that we want and need to move. J commutes to work. He drives about an hour and 15 minutes each way. He works 10 hour days so he's away 12 1/2 hours a day. That makes for a long week. We have no desire to move to where J is working currently but he will mostly likely be able to transfer to another town in a month or two that is also about an hour away. We are willing to move to this town. If we move J won't have to commute. His day will be much shorter and we will save a ton in gas-money. We spend over $700 a month just in gas bills a month right now. OUCH! And you can't imagine how many miles are being put onto our car. J has put over 70,000 miles on our car in less than two years. I also worry each and every day that he will be in an accident. But J and I know we can't move until I'm pregnant b/c we won't be able to get a new loan for a house AND take out a loan for IVF. This town we are thinking of moving to is more expensive than where we currently live. As most people know housing in California is outrageously expensive. So it will be tough enough just to get into a good neighborhood w/ out the added debt of an IVF loan. Basically- we couldn't. We wouldn't be able to afford it. So we can not move until I'm pregnant. Therefore J will continue to commute. I will continue treatments (ugh) and we will pray that this all works out w/ a happy ending. It will all be worth it in the end if we have a bundle of joy in our arms.

My biggest fear- that this will all be for nothing. I'll go through the shots, the appts, the horrible side effects, the emotions, the expense, etc, and we'll still be childless.