On the doggy front... and CD3

It's been a rough few days. I have felt like I have knots in my stomach and throat since this dog incident occurred. There were times I really felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't even sleep the first night b/c every time I closed my eyes I saw the attack.

Shaver has been outside since he attached the small dog. I let him stay out there w/ our other dog "Harley" b/c they get along really well. I know the dogs are wondering why they can't come inside. It's tough b/c the dogs are always w/ me. If I'm inside they are inside and they sleep on the floor next to our bed at night. I've really struggled w/ my decision on what to do. I couldn't bare the idea of leaving him at a shelter where who knows what could happen. I love this dog. He's family to me and I need to feel like he's going to have a good chance to be in a nice home again. Maybe even a much better home for him. Maybe w/ someone that can work with him and control him.

Last night I went out side and played fetch w/ them for a while. Shaver was running and catching the tennis ball and bringing it back to me. His tail was wagging and he looked so happy. He would sit and wait until I threw the ball and all I could think was, "why"? At that moment I would have given anything to talk to him. If only I could explain to him that his behavior isn't acceptable and he could understand. Why was this dog brought into our lives when this was the end result? I know it's the best decision for J and I, and our future family. Shaver has very strong aggressive tendencies and has now acted on them. We can't take him anywhere outside of our house and that's not fair for anyone. We did consult a dog trainer that specializes on aggressive dogs. He recommended that we get rid of Shaver unless we want to spend a lot of time and money and still have no guarantees b/c aggression can be dealt w/ but not removed completely. That finalized our decision b/c we don't want to risk anything else happening.

It's taken 3 days but I have finally managed to find a guy out of town that rescues dogs and works w/ them until they can be placed in a suitable home. It's a no- kill rescue place. I think it's a type of ranch. I'm hoping he'll have room to run around and that this guy will take good care of him since he's devoted to animals. That sounds much better to me than the local crowded shelters that put animals down if they don't get adopted quickly. I'm really hoping it's a decent place and will be okay for Shaver. I wonder if he'll be scared.... ohhhh.... this is hard. We will be taking him on Friday. I wish we were taking him earlier b/c it kills me to see him. I need to mourn and cry it all out and try to move past the hurt.

The "hurt" dog that I've named Molly seems okay. I think time will only tell. I've committed myself to caring for her for the next couple of days and then we'll decide what to do. I will most likely be attached to her and we will keep her. I clean her wounds several times a day. I have to try to keep the wounds open so that any bacteria can get out. She's on antibiotics and is eating, drinking, pooping and peeing. So that has to be a good sign. She follows me everywhere and truly is a cute dog. She looks just like a full blooded Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Her eyes are still very bloody and I hope she doesn't have any internal injuries I don't know about. The biggest concern right now is if she gets an abscess. That would mean she has a mass of infected pus under her skin that has no where to go. She would need surgery to drain it otherwise the infection could get into her blood stream.

I'm just really hurting right now and I expect the next few days to remain especially tough. J will be taking Friday off so he can drive the dog to the Rescue place. :-(

On a different and positive note- I have started up again on another cycle. I went in for my CD3 u/s today and they found no cysts. I was really surprised b/c I had two large ones last month. I started my first injection of Gonal-f today and will be taking them for 8 days and then going back for another u/s.