Progesterone

***1st of all thank you so much for all of your comments on my last post. I felt much better when I read that many of you had similar fertilization rates and subsequent BFP's.

Had my first progesterone shot on Sunday night. J mixed and administers all of my shots and when I saw the progesterone needle I wanted to run out of the house. It wasn't the thickness that scared me but the length. I followed some advice I've read and applied heat to the site before hand and even warmed up the needle a little. We weren't confident on the location...we were told to divide one buttock into 4 quarters and inject into the upper outer quarter. Let me mention that one quarter of one of my butt cheeks is the size of a small post-it note. I have a bony ass and bony hips. We didn't have much to work with.

J finally administered the shot and it was pretty painful. What was worse was that I felt pain up and down my thigh. I didn't think we hit a nerve b/c I'd assume I'd be screaming bloody murder if we had but I had these very painful aches and cramps in my leg all night long. I couldn't sleep b/c of it. My leg hurt much worse than the injection site.

Last night we did our second shot and I was very reluctant. I thought J might have to hold me down. I finally held and squeezed my stuffed monkey "Charlie"...and silently chanted , baby, baby, baby to remind myself why I was doing this. Oddly and thankfully enough this one wasn't nearly as bad. J administered the shot lower than the first one and he inserted it 2/3 of the way in. Initially I was so freakin' grateful that I wasn't limping afterwards, but then became a little concerned that he didn't push the shot all the way in. J said he could feel the needle enter my muscle after 1/3 of the needle was in and didn't think we needed to use the entire length. I told him I don't want him to do that again unless Dr. Z says it's okay. Any comments on this? I won't be able to walk if we have many repeats of the first night.

I'm driving up North tonight. We're staying in the city and will have our transfer late tomorrow morning. I'm excited and nervous. I had a really odd/bad dream last night. I was going through IVF in my dream and in my IVF dream cycle they combine the eggs and sperm until they form what looks like a tiny piece of dry rice. Then they give you two to "transfer" and in order to do that you have to make them stick to your skin.... on either your lower back or lower abdominal area. So I was pushing these little pieces of "rice" into my skin until they dug in and slipped under my skin. (took many tries as they fell on the ground over and over) Then they started to grow and form a bubble that you can feel when you pressed on your skin. After 6 weeks you go in and they do an u/s to see how you are doing. I was told that my babies didn't make it. One had a crushed skull and the other didn't develop. I was told I probably crushed the skull when I dropped them repeatedly. I was crying hysterically at this point in my dream and the nurse told me that I just needed to pay another $10,000 and try again.

I told J about it when I woke up and he said it was interesting that the sites on my skin where I had to attach the "rice embryos" were the same sites that we're doing our injections. Lovenox on my abdomen and progesterone on my lower back. And that my biggest fear is that I'll do something wrong to prevent this cycle from working or worse yet I'll get pregnant and lose the baby(ies).

Sad and disturbing dream! I vow to only think of dancing bears and lollipops before drifting off to sleep from now on.