30 Weeks

Haven't been able to update or check blogs this week b/c J and I have been staying at his Grandparents empty place that is right near the hospital. I can't keep up the constant daily travel (hour each way) to the hospital and we want the comfort in knowing we're close to the hospital if need be. So we decided we need to stay up there as much as possible from now on. Now I'm only a few minutes from the hospital and J happens to work nearby so it cuts out the commute for both of us. It's definitely not ideal b/c like I said it's an empty house that isn't in top shape (to put it mildly). All that we have there is a mattress on the floor, a refrigerator and a TV (no computer). But- it's free and available so therefore we're really appreciative of having the option of staying there. We're also able to take our dogs and that would be a problem if we couldn't so that works out well too. We went up on Sunday and came home last night. I want to come home for a couple of nights a week to check on the house, get our mail, restock our supplies, etc.

It ended up that I spent over 20 hours and many visits in the hospital between just Monday through Thursday this week. It's been a long week. An average NST takes about 30 minutes but the shortest mine has ever taken is two hours and it's usually more like three. They're either keeping me on longer to watch the contractions, or to watch the decelerations in the heart rate or b/c they can't keep the babies on the monitors b/c they're moving around so much. If they're really concerned then they send me to triage for even more monitoring. Eventually the nurses decide on whether I can be released...at least until the doctor goes over the report later that day. They always release me and then I get the call a few hours later that the doctor wants me back the next morning to do the entire process all over again. So- that is my life right now. I am still on medication every four hours to stop the contractions/relax my uterus. It's not a fun medication to be on b/c it has a lot of unpleasant side effects. The worst one being the racing heart beat. It makes you very shaky/ jittery... therefore it makes it difficult to sleep b/c of it.

I am happy that I'm released each day so I can be w/ J in the evening and see my dogs. I figure the one benefit to all of this is that I'm so busy w/ all of these hospital and doctor trips that it's making my pregnancy go by much faster than if I were at home on bed rest 24 hours a day. All of this has actually made bed rest between appts much easier b/c I'm so exhausted/miserable/uncomfortable I really have no desire to do anything other than to lie down between appts.

The highlight of my week (MAJOR sarcasm) was on Wednesday. Let me back up...... I was told by Dr. H to increase my water intake on Monday so J and I bought several cases of Dasani bottled water. I started gulping this water down starting Monday night. On Tues night I woke up in the middle of the night w/ my throat burning. It just killed and nothing seemed to help. It continued to be extremely painful as morning came. I also had three nose bleeds in a matter of hours, had a splitting headache and I was starting to itch all over. I knew I was having an allergic reaction b/c I've dealt with a serious allergy most of my life. I'm terribly allergic to Sulfur and that includes anything w/ sulfite or sulphate (foods, beauty products, etc.) I've become really good at knowing what is safe to eat and use so I haven't had a major reaction in a few years. Anyway- I knew I was having a reaction but had no idea where I could have gotten sulfur from. I started looking at everything we had at the Grandparents and didn't see anything that could be the culprit. Finally as I was drinking my water I looked at the bottle and almost dropped it... It said water and Sulfur as the ingredients (sulfur added to enhance taste). I just couldn't believe that my purified bottled water was the problem. Who would ever think to check their bottled water. I knew I was in trouble so I called my Doctor and headed back to the hospital. It ended up that I was lucky I caught it early on. Sulfur builds up in my system and if I had waited a day or two we would have had a serious problem on our hands. It still ended up that I had 2nd degree burns (actual boils) in my throat and it most likely burned my stomach too b/c I was spitting up blood for the rest of the day. They pumped me full of steroids to counter act the reaction, gave me an IV full of Benedryl and some sort of syrup to drink that coated and soothed my throat. Can I just say how much of a pity party I was having/ still having. I mean really...just how much can happen to one person. It would be almost funny if I wasn't so miserable.

As for my babies...they seem to be holding up. I'm still pregnant and expect to stay that way for as long as possible. I had the heart scan (fetal echocardiogram "echo") and both of the babies hearts looked great! Yeah for some good news. My FFN continues to be negative so that definitely gives me some peace of mind. basically I need to find a way to get through the next six weeks without losing my mind. I've had a few crying breakdowns where I just felt so overwhelmed and just plain tired. Part of me is really sad that I can't enjoy this pregnancy more. It's not likely that I'll ever be pregnant again and it truly is an amazing and miraculous event. I still feel so lucky that my IVF worked and that J and I will be adding two little people to our family. I'm trying my best to have a good attitude about all of this. I can't say that I'm really successful but I try to stop and just be thankful. It could always be worse...a lot worse and I don't even want to think about that.

Please know that I think of all of you. I caught up on most of the blogs this morning but just don't have the energy to comment. Thank you for your prayers. Keep them coming!!!

28 weeks 4 days ...flunking out

Kidney stone took eight very long days to pass. The pain finally stopped on Saturday night and hasn't returned so I'm hoping that means it has indeed passed and I'm not jinxing myself by saying that. For the most part I continue to have daily non stress tests and monitoring at the hospital. I flunk pretty much each and every one and therefore have to come back the next day. This week the NST(s) have had poorer results that ever. Both babies have variable decelerations in the heart rates which could be totally fine (most likely) or indicate something more serious. As long as the dips are irregular and don't last more than a few seconds than they'll just keep an eye on them. If they start lasting longer or become even more frequent than I'll be admitted to the hospital. I'm also having more and more contractions. I had eight contractions in an hour on Monday. I came really close to be admitted that day b/c of it. They pumped me full of fluids via IV and that seemed to help. I'm on medication every 4 hours to relax my uterus. What's really frustrating is that I can't tell when I'm having a contraction. The nurse will ask me what I'm feeling and I won't be feeling anything even though I'm having a contraction and then at other times I feel major tightening in my uterus and it doesn't even register on the machine. I also have constant "uterine irritability". I was told this can be very common for women pregnant w/ twins at my stage in pregnancy b/c my body doesn't recognize the fact that I'm carrying two fetuses in my uterus. It just knows I have a lot of weight in there and thinks I'm nearing my due date for a singleton. This is also just something they keep an eye on and in most cases it'll be just fine but in others it'll trigger full blown labor. So as you can see I'm being watched like a hawk. I'm basically a daytime patient at the hospital and on bed rest while at home. I think it's only a matter of time until I'm fully admitted and then I'll most likely be there until the babies arrive.

I also had my growth ultrasound on Monday. I initially got a lecture b/c I've only gained 21 pounds to date. I've only gained 5 in the last 9 weeks. Obviously it's hard to eat when you're in mind blowing pain from kidney stones and also throwing up from the pain...so that hasn't helped. But, I've also have basically lost the appetite that I had. I think this is another example of how twin pregnancies differ a lot from singleton pregnancies. With twin pregnancies you slow down your weight gain a lot when you reach the 3rd trimester. You're uncomfortable and your stomach is compressed. I also have nonstop heartburn and indigestion. This seems to be the case of most of the twin pregnancies I follow and I'm no exception. So for those of you just starting out your twin pregnancies eat up...and when you freak out b/c you feel like you could eat an entire store and you're gaining weight really quickly...go for it...b/c it won't last and you need that initial weight gain to sustain you. I'm now trying my hardest to force myself to eat whenever I can so that I can gain the 45 pounds that my doctor keeps saying I need to reach. I seriously doubt I'll gain an additional 24 pounds in the short amount of time I have left. I'd have to gain at least 3-4 pounds a week. The good news is that my low weight gain hasn't affected the babies weights. Andrew (baby A) is estimated to weigh 3 pounds and Matthew (baby B) is estimated to weigh 2 pounds 14 ounces. I was told that these are excellent weights and there is no concern for their growth. Just for the fun of it I'm been measuring my stomach since early in the pregnancy and that keeps growing. My waist has increased 13 inches so it now measures 39 inches around.

Andrew still has a lot of fluid in his kidneys and I was told he will more than likely need surgery after he is born. Supposedly this is usually not a big deal and they just inset a tube to drain the fluid. Matthew also has some fluid but the amount isn't substantial so his will more than likely clear up on its own. My next growth ultrasound will give us a better idea as to what we can expect. Interesting that they both have kidney issues along w/ their mother. I'm told it's not related but I find it an odd coincidence.

My doctor has all of his IVF patients go to Valley Children's Hospital for screening of the babies hearts so I'll be doing that sometime in the near future. Not sure why...not sure I want to know. Just let the results be normal.

Thank you so much for all of your positive and caring comments. It's been a rough journey and I appreciate all of the support. Keep the prayers coming....

Never Ending Story

I've been miserable. I've been trying to pass a kidney stone for the last four days. It's the worst pain imaginable...total torture. Do you remember that I had one in the 11th week of this pregnancy? So this is the 2nd time I've had one. I have no idea why I'm getting them when I never had one before pregnancy but I honestly feel like I can't take it anymore at times. I had a complete nervous breakdown on Monday...

So....On top of going to the hospital daily- literally 5 out of 6 days straight for nonstop monitoring, non stress tests, etc... I finally thought I caught a break when I was given Saturday off and was told I didn't have to be back until Monday. I was so happy to know I'd have a chance to rest at home even if it's on bed rest... bed rest sounded like heaven over traveling to the hospital and being there for most of the day. Saturday was spent on my butt in bed and I had a friend come over w/ a bunch of baby clothes she got from her sister-in-law. Great clothes. I was super happy b/c I am sooo set clothing wise for the first year. Then on Sunday I started to feel worse. More tightening in the uterus, and what feels like spasms in my vagina canal. I also had a very sore back (especially on the left side) for several days, but figured it was from the steroid shots and from being pregnant w/ twins. Well that back pain turned into the most intense excruciating pain imaginable and I knew right away what it was since I'd been through this before. I told J to get dressed and I called the doctor to tell him we were on the way. Then I cried, cursed, yelled, threw up and went in and out of shock for the hour long ride to the hospital. I thought I was going to pass out.

When we finally got to the hospital after what felt like days, J had to illegally park so he could pretty much carry me to triage. Everyone thought I was in labor and I wanted to scream...no this is way way way worse b/c at that moment I didn't care about anything but them stopping the pain. Looking back it's interesting just how strong the mother's instinct is b/c I was all over that hospital bed, shaking and curling up and hunched over. They were trying to get the babies on the monitors and couldn't find Matthews heartbeat. The nurse worked at it forever and finally asked me if I'd felt him move lately. I actually felt my whole body still and I asked if something was wrong w/ one of the babies. She said she needed help and got another nurse. It was like time stood still for a few minutes and the pain was in the background while the 2nd nurse tried to find the heartbeat. She finally did and then the pain was back full force and I was throwing up all over the machinery and floor next to the bed.

So...to make along story short. They made sure the babies were okay, gave me a shot of heaven (Demerol) which I have to say is so much better than Morphine for me b/c Morphine only makes me more nauseous. Then they did a bunch of tests and ruled out infections of the kidney and bladder. They found some trace amounts of blood in my urine so they concluded that it was in fact a kidney stone and sent me on my merry way to pass it at home on my own. Although they wanted me back again (scream) the next day (Monday) for more monitoring and another non-stress test.

Monday was a very very bad day (one of the worse I've ever had)...let's leave it at that. I wanted to kill J and kill anyone near me (literally) b/c of the pain and the stress of the last week, especially when they told me my NST wasn't looking so great and I'd have to be back again on Tuesday. Enough said.

Tuesday & Wednesday- found out my follow up FFN test came back negative and that Dr. H was going to let me stay home both Tues and Weds and I wouldn't have to go back to the hospital until Thurs. I cried such fat tears of relief. I needed this news more than anything. A negative FFN means I am extremely unlikely to go into labor in the next two weeks. So the hanky panky J and I had must have caused the false positive on the last FFN test. And right now I'm associating everything I've been through w/ that hanky panky so he may never ever be allowed to lay a hand on me again :-) I'm still not sure about why Dr. H is having me so closely monitored every day at the hospital. All I know is that he doesn't like some "depreciation's" in one of the heartbeats and is watching it closely. I'll be seeing him on Thurs (tomorrow) so hopefully he can tell me what the hell is going on. And maybe... just maybe the stone will be passed by then and I might actually be able to try and enjoy some aspect of this pregnancy. At this point the pain comes in waves.. I think it correlates w/ when the stone is moving and when it's stopped.

So in the last 10 days I've been to the hospital 7 times, I've had a positive FFN test, a yeast infection, several failed non stress tests and am currently trying to pass a kidney stone. Good times. ***oh and I have to add that my dog Molly who's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (long hair) was up last night w/ diarrhea so we had to get up to let her out 4 times in the middle of the night and she got diarrhea all over her fur so J had to give her a bath at 2:30am. I told J this was Molly's way of helping him prepare for what is to come w/ twins... I don't think he thought that was funny.

My big growth u/s is on Monday...don't you think it would be only fair for that to go extremely well. Like maybe show two healthy babies measuring just right w/ no fluid in their kidneys. Is that too much to ask?