11 weeks old

Mommyhood w/ twins is becoming more manageable. I have a routine down that seems to work relatively well. I'm hoping to improve as time goes by so that I can accomplish a little more with my day than just feeding, burping and diapering two babies w/ no time to spare. I actually took a bath today while the babies were in their bouncy seats right next to the bathtub. Now this wasn't a long soak in the tub w/ bubble bath. This was a quick lather up, shave my legs and get out in a hurry but still...it's a step up. I have no dried spit up on me at the moment. I'm hoping I can move up to applying a little make-up and putting on something other than sweats sometime in the near future. Actually sweats would be an improvement over wearing the same pajamas for two days in a row. Oh Boy....

My weekends are whirlwinds. J's home then so I try to get as much done as I can. I'm running in a dozen different directions at once as I try to vacuum, dust, do laundry, iron, cook enough for a few days, run any necessary errands, etc...etc... When J's home (on weekends and at night) he feeds and diapers one as I do the other. I am so thankful that he continues to help me w/ the middle of the night feeding. Not that he's been given a choice :-) The boys are starting to sleep a little longer. They still eat every 3 hours like clockwork during the day but we get a 5 to 5 1/2 hour stretch at night. I figure it's been about 6 months since I slept through an entire night and actually had 7 or even dream of a heavenly 8 hours of slumber. I was up constantly during that last trimester of my pregnancy w/ bathroom visits, heartburn and little feet jabbing up in my ribcage.

Both babies are smiling everyday now. It just melts my heart to see those huge grins. Finally...after weeks of constant sad, crying faces. Interesting to me that we're born into this world crying and have to learn to smile and laugh. I think we're on the verge of hearing a laugh or chuckle.

I'm trying to interact and play w/ both boys everyday. Even if its just a few minutes on their floor gym "mat". I usually prop them up on a boppy pillow and we look at the toys and flashing lights. I also try to have tummy time at some point during the day. This only lasts for a few minutes b/c they don't like it for long since they're not used to being on the stomachs. I get down to their level and talk to them as they hold their heads up and work on strengthening their chest and arm muscles. That seems to sooth them some so they last a little longer.

Andrew is such a slow eater...he wants to take his time....more like take an eternity and could care less than Matthew is waiting in the wings for his turn. He will eat every last drop and stays at the same slow.... take a sip, play w/ the nipple like a pacifier, take a sip, ponder world events, take another slow leisurely sip ...pace the entire time. On average it takes 45 minutes to feed Andrew 5 ounces. I've tried limiting how long I let him eat to see if he'll learn to eat faster but no such luck and he'll cry up a storm in you take away the bottle before he's done. He also needs to be burped several times during the feeding. He makes this deep in his chest grunting sound that means he needs to be burped. One thing about Andrew...he's slower than slow but he won't lose a drop of milk...no spit up for this guy. Whereas Matthew basically eats the bottle 3 times faster than his brother and then proceeds to throw it all up projectile style. This guy will spit up during the feeding, immediately following the feeding and even an hour or two after he's finished eating. Nothing helps...I hold him upright for at least 20 or more minutes after each feeding and he's now on Zantac for what the doctor calls GERD to see if that will help. I think every item in my family room has been hit w/ spit up. I know I sure have. A few days ago I was trying to stop the flow of milk that started continuously pouring out of his mouth and nose as I walked back from their nursery and quickly sat down to get a better handle of the situation. I immediately noticed that my entire behind felt wet. I got up and found that Matthew must have spit up a bunch of milk over my shoulder and down my back to land mostly on my ass. And now I literally had spilled milk all over my recliner from where I sat down. This was the same day that both babies either peed on me or pooped all over the changing table during a diaper changing and one of my dogs vomited on my carpet. The minute J walked in the door from work that day I escaped for the longest bathroom break of my life. I sat on the toilet lid wondering just how long I could get away w/ being in there.

I've read about other twin mom's that feed both babies a bottle at once. Not sure how they manage that. I've thought about propping them up in the boppy pillows and trying but I'm worried about how I'd manage w/ the milk that escapes and drips down their face when they eat, the spit up and how I'd burp them mid-feed. Sounds like it could turn into a disaster. I also like the one on one time we have...if only it didn't take quite so long.

Now on to the topic of poop. For those of you who are exclusively breastfeeding. You have no idea how great you have it in the poop department. I was in for a shock when I started supplementing some of the feedings w/ formula. We went from yellow seedy poops that were pretty easy to clean up and an odor that wasn't pleasant but it didn't make your eyes water either. Now we've got this disgusting nasty dark green pasty slime that makes me want to run from the room. And the smell...on my god...the smell. The breast milk poop is like roses in comparison. It made me want to reconsider the switch to formula.

I am weaning to formula right now. The mastitis was bad...really bad. I did the antibiotics for 7 days and it still came right back. I had strong intravenous antibiotics on top of the oral ones and that still didn't take care of it. Finally my doctor said I had an abscess and recommended having it surgically aspirated and drained. I decided to wait a week and see if I could get it under control myself and somehow seem to have manged to do so (hopefully). If it comes back I'll have no choice but to have it aspirated. This killed my milk supply and it's just too much for me to pump 6 hours a day to come up with the 70-80 ounces of milk I need a day. After I got over the massive amount of guilt I felt I am so much happier. Breastfeeding for me was loads of stress. I now have more time to cuddle and play with my babies. I almost made it to 3 months of breastfeeding. Wasn't quite what I'd planned on but it's better than nothing. There is a part of me that's a little sad about the possibility that this could be the last time I ever produce milk that can nourish my children. There is something so touching and beautiful about the fact that we as women can do that.

I have to say...that even though my life is pretty chaotic and a juggling act right now. There is truly no where else in the world that I'd rather be than at home with my two babies.



Matthew having tummy time. Look at how high I can hold my head.


Matthew


Matthew hanging out w/ Mr. Bear who was a gift from Great-Grandma


Andrew


Andrew having tummy time


Andrew and Matthew

2 Months old

Last week I had a bad case of Mastitis. It started with the bright red breast that was painful and hot to the touch. Then I got a really bad fever that went up to 103.5. That lasted for a few days until the antibiotics kicked in. The weirdest part was the chills. I'd be so hot and burning up one minute and drenched in sweat an then an hour later I was freezing w/ two sweatshirts and blankets piled on me. I even got so cold that I put mittens on. I felt pretty bad. I'm still a little under the weather but not sure if it's the lasting effects of the Mastitis or if I'm just exhausted from sleep deprivation.

Breastfeeding is tough. I'd be fine if it was only one baby. But they are both eating 5 ounces every 3 hours and that means I need about 80 ounces of milk a day. Before the Mastitis I was able to come up with at least 80% or more of that and then supplement w/ formula for the rest but now my supply is a little lower since the Mastitis. Every day I think about switching to formula b/c I just don't have the time to pump. I'm no longer putting them on the breast, instead I'm just pumping after each feeding session. I then save the milk and have it ready for the next feeding. Not sure if this was a smart decision but there was no way I could deal with two babies that weren't satisfied on the breast. And I couldn't try to take the time (there is no time) to make them more efficient. I'd have them on the breast for 30 mins each and they'd be crying and hungry 30 mins later. That leaves no room for burping, diapering and getting any necessary chores done (let alone finding the time for me to eat or even pee) At least if I pump I can get them to go 3 hours by feeding them the milk in a bottle and therefore making sure they get a full belly. I have to be honest that I'm disappointed. I had hoped I'd have them both breastfeeding at the same time on the breast and I'd be doing it for at least 6 months or a year. I know that breast milk if the best for them. But- I'm just doing the best I can. I am not giving up just yet but I may be switching to formula soon.

Two months have gone by and we are now starting to fit into 0-3 clothing. Newborn size is getting snug. I just can't believe how fast they grow. When we came home from the hospital the newborn outfits were huge. We've also moved on to size 1 diapers for the most part. We were at Valley Children's Hospital yesterday to talk to a specialist about Andrews kidney. He still has fluid in his left kidney and we will be doing some more testing to see what the cause is. While there he was weighed and is now almost 10 and half pounds and 20 inches long! Matthew's kidneys were checked while we were there and he got a clean bill of health. Thank goodness. They didn't weigh him but I would guess he's around 9 and a half pounds. He's a little smaller than Andrew.

I've now been on my own almost a month. My Mom was going to come the first week I was alone with the babies but she came down with Shingles and we couldn't put the babies at risk plus she has been miserable. I didn't realize how awful shingles are. I hope I never have them. Hopefully she's all better soon. My parents were here for Thanksgiving and that was really nice. My parents are the types that can't sit still and want to stay busy. So both vehicles got washed, my oil was changed, the windows in the house were washed and all of my wooden blinds cleaned, ironing got done and we had full on meals the entire time they were here with no help by me....plus much more. Not bad, huh!

Also for my own records to look back on. We decided to switch from Avent plastic bottles to Evenflo glass bottles. There is the current controversy that certain chemicals in hard plastic bottles could be harmful to a baby so we decided we'd play it safe and just switch. We have also decided to put off the vaccinations. They will still receive all of their vaccinations but we are going to start the first shot at 4 months instead of at 2 months and space the following vaccinations out much farther. This came at the recommendation from our RE (Dr. Z) that we read a book on autism and other disorders and their link to vaccines. I love and respect Dr. Z and he has a son with autism so we decided to order the book and read it. It's called What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Vaccines by Dr. Cave. It contains some scary info that I definitely didn't know and you have to wonder why there is such a drastic rise in Autism. I'm also thinking about going organic with the baby food when it comes to that time. Or at least a good portion of it. J and I are just wanting to do everything we can to safeguard their health. I feel paranoid at times that everything out there is harmful. We were at Babies-R-us and ended up not buying a toy we were looking at b/c it was made in China. I tried to look for a toy...any toy...not made in China and couldn't find one. But all of these recalls on toys b/c of the findings of lead content is scary.

5 Weeks Old

Every day I tell myself that I'm going to sit down and write a post but then the day slips away without a moment of free time. I really do hope I manage to find the time more regularly now b/c I know these weeks/months will just fly by and I'd like to record some of what's going on before its just a blur.

Each time I look at one of my boys I can hardly believe they're mine. It still seems surreal at times. My heart is so full. You never realize just how much and how fully you can truly love someone until you hold your baby in your ams. At that moment you know you'll do absolutely anything for that child to ensure their happiness and safety.

Andrew came home after 8 days in the NICU. It was tough having him there and I'm so thankful that he wasn't there longer than he was. He's doing great and we haven't had any issues since he's been home other than the fact that he's pretty fussy. I'm not sure if it's colic or what but there are times he just won't settle down even after a feeding, good burps and a diaper change. This makes for some rough nights. We recently started giving them gas drops after their nighttime feedings to see if it helps any. It seems like it may be helping a little but its still too soon to really know. Andrew is the noisier of the two. He makes so many noises constantly. He grunts, moans, cries and makes the funniest animal sounds. He sounds like a kitten and other times we have a billy goat, an elephant, a monkey and various other animal like sounds going on. I feel like we're in the middle of a zoo at times. Andrew also makes more animated faces. He loves to stick his tongue out and gets crazy excited when his pacifier or a nipple gets near his mouth. He'll thrash his head from side to side and look like he's going to swallow and gobble it down whole. I get a little nervous when I first place him on the breast b/c he's pretty aggressive and excited when he first starts feeding. But for all of his efforts he's not the best on the breast. He gulps a lot of air and at times seems like he's not sure what to do. He'll all over the place and will stay on the breast for a while but I think 50% of the time he's just using me as a pacifier. And once he's done he'll be hungry again in an hour so I know he's not getting full. But we're working on it and hopefully this will continue to get better and easier. I'm sure some of the difficulties result from him being in the NICU and being put on a bottle right away and not getting the chance to try breastfeeding for almost a week.

Matthew on the other hand doesn't differ all that much from Andrew. He's just less dramatic. He'll scream and find his lungs when he's hungry but once fed he'll usually be content. He's really easy to breastfeed for the most part. He latched on well from day one and has a very efficient suck so he stays satisfied for much longer. Right now I'm trying to breastfeed on the breast during the day and I'm pumping and feeding by bottle at night. Night time is really tough and I still don't know what would be the best routine for us. I pump b/c they go much longer after having a full bottle. They're eating 4 ounces each of breast milk by bottle and will go about 4 hours between feedings when fed that way. They only go 1 to 2.5 hours during the day when they're on the actual breast. By the time both are fed, burped and diapered it's basically time to start the process all over again. The problem with pumping is that it takes me forever to pump. I have the Madela Pump in Style Advanced Breast Pump which allows for both breasts to be pumped simultaneously but I find that doesn't work well for me b/c I get a lot more milk if I massage my breasts while pumping. So I only pump one breast at a time. I basically find that I have to manipulate and squeeze my breast while pumping or the milk supply will slow down or stop. I'm able to to get most if not all of the milk I need by doing this but it can take 45+ minutes and that is not fun in the middle of the night. I'm not sure whats going on with this. Maybe I should see a lactation specialist b/c I think I have a decent milk supply but I have no idea why the pump doesn't work like it should for me. Has anyone else experienced such difficulties? I know that I have to really focus on drinking tons of water and I'm trying to eat more b/c I notice a direct correlation to how much milk I produce. All I know is it's totally exhausting to pump for so long and I really dread it at times. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better and maybe faster to breastfeed at night instead of pump but J feeds one while I feed the other when we use the bottles so that cuts out some time. I'm not sure. Night are really hard though. I'm just soooo tired. Really tired! At this point even with them going 4 to 4.5 hours at night with the bottles...by the time you take away pumping time, feeding time, burping and diapering time I'm only left with a little over 2 hours max to sleep between feedings and that's only true if they fall right asleep which never happens. So when can I expect them to sleep through the entire night?

Back to Matthew- He looks very serious at times. He'll scrunch up his face and look all worried about something. He was so small when we brought him home and he's eating up a storm. He weighed 5 pounds 1 ounce at birth and lost some weight so he dropped down to 4 pounds 9 ounces and now at 5 weeks he's basically 7 pounds. He used to be a full pound behind his brother and now there is only a half pound difference. It seems like they're already so much bigger. It's hard to believe that its already been 5 weeks. It seems like I just delivered them a few days ago.

At this point I think Andrew looks just like J and I think Matthew resembles me or my side of the family more.

J took 5 weeks off to be home with us and he'll be going back to work on Monday. So I'll be on my own from here on out. Thankfully I have my Mom coming to visit for a few days to help me transition to doing everything on my own. I'm mostly nervous about being exhausted and how I'll cope if I'm too tired. J won't be able to help as much at night since he'll have to function at work and the naps I catch once in a while during the day while J takes over will be coming to an end.


Here are some pictures. Enjoy.




Matthew and Andrew 1 week old




Andrew and Matthew 1 week old



Matthew and Andrew 3 Weeks old



Matthew and Andrew